Organ bankers

Organ bankers
Originally uploaded by Jason.

Thodt’s Handy Dandy Guide to Horde Warlock Race Choice

(whee, what a title). Nary a day passes, killing Alliance out on the green pastures of Azeroth, that I don’t get a question like “wud’s bettr, UD or Orc”. I usually /ignore the fools messaging me unprovoked, but here’s Thodt’s completely Handy Dandy Guide to Horde Warlock Race Choice. If you’re Alliance, go nail your nads onto a table, you made one wrong choice already, another one won’t hurt. Besides, you’re beyond redemption.

But onto the good side of WoW. Here you are, staring blankly at the Char Generation screen, thinking to yourself “hmmm, wud’s bettr, UD or Orc”. Thodt to the rescue. First, let’s observe the racial passives and abilities:

Orcs have:

Blood Fury, which is UTTERLY useless to us ‘lock. We don’t meelee much, and if we do, nothing would we appreciate less than being healed for an even more miniscule amount than Deathcoil, xyzTap, and Healthstone already do.

Hardiness, on the other hand, is teh roxorz. It increases your resistance to stun effects (post 1.9, I think that’s “disorient”) by 25%. Which means, stun-lock Rogues mistaking us for a squishy might actually be in for a nasty surprise. All it takes is one stun to go wrong, Deathcoil, Seduce, Soul Fire, dead Rogue.

Some Warlocks prefer to stay true to their classes magical roots. Remember, we’re (according to Blizz’ lore) Magicians with a little too much fun in the daemonic world. That’d be the guys who cast a lot and don’t rely on their pets much. I, personally, like to use my pet, even though I have almost nothing in Daemonology, talent wise. Command increases my Succubus’ melee damage by 5%, which is a lot at level 60. Even my Voidwalker does decent damage, now.

Our second passive, Axe Specialization, is for the arse, as they say. We’re not meelee, and if we were, we couldn’t use Axes anyways.

Undead come factory ready with:

Will of the Forsaken. The killer trait. Immunity to fear, sleep, charm. Enough to give crowd controllers a hard time. Polymorph resistance comes with the Insignia of the Horde (I hear Alliance has a “Insignia of the Cowardly Ganking Wimp”, as well), but the trinket is on a longer cooldown, and being able to resist two fears instead of one is nice, nice, nice.

Cannibalize is another uber-trait. It serves a dual purpose. Firstly, since for us Warlocks life equals mana and we pay in HP for all the good stuff, being able to replenish our pool every two minutes for free by feasting on our fallen foes is an excellent idea. Secondly, it’s the ultimate humiliation. No need to /spit on Alliance, all it takes is one click and we gnaw on their bones. Tried to gank me, stupid NE Rogue? Your carcass serves as my regaining life and mana, on to another round of me killing your sorry behind dead. And this time, I’ll take your ears as a trophy.

Underwater Breathing is useless past Unending Breath. This is the ultimate Priest PvP talent, btw. Have your attacker follow you into the water, then MC him to the ground. He drowns, you alive. Best thing since MCing them into the lava inside Blackrock Mountain.

Shadow Resistance is nice, but +10 on resistance makes little difference with all the gear past level 60.

Which now leaves us with the question: Wud’s bettr. Personally, I play Orc. After playing an Undead Priest to 60, I was kinda tired of the waddle, the sticking out backbone, and the fact that even epic gear looks like Salvation Army donations on Undead. Plus, I wanted the +5% on my Voidwalker and Succcubus’ damage, and the resistance to stuns. I find that I get stunned more than I get feared, especially since the fear-meisters, Priests, are on a 26 second cooldown, which is usually enough time for me to kill them after using my Insignia. Next fear, or Intimidating Shout, or whatever, however, screws me. I tend to sit out Polymorphs, being it super-regens my life and mana, and I am more or less unattackable, unless the sheeper wants me to come back. If I re-rolled today, however, I might choose Undead, I miss my cannibalize.

How to deal with RP servers…

It’s no secret. I don’t like RP servers. A fan of language, an addict to verbal artistry, few things pain me more in the realm of the written and spoken word than the bastardization of a perfectly fine means of communication through the use of faux Shakespearean. A good example is the moron whose Flash Heal(Rank 7) used to /party “I heal thou, mighy %class% %name%, with mine most emminent Flash Heal”.

Because I love hanging out with Jason, though, who has a MUCH more impressive tolerance towards idiots (he tolerates me, a heroic act), I rolled a Warlock on Horde side on a RP server (which should remain nameless). It wouldn’t take long until…

[SomeName] says [Orcish]: Fair Warlock, lend me a hand in defeating the humans of Tiragarde?

[Thodt] yells [Orcish]: I WILL BAKE YOUR BRAIN, PUNY WARRIOR. BOW TO ME, FOR I HARNESS THE SHADOW THAT IS ETERNAL POWER. I COMMAND DEATH AND LIFE. I CURSE THE RIGHTEOUS. AND I MAKE A KILLER FUCKING CHOCOLATE FUDGE ON SUNDAYS.

[SomeName] says [Orcish]: I reported you to the GM

[Thodt] says [Orcish]: Fuck you, too. Do you have a life outside WoW?